DNA, Inherited Trauma, and The Impacts on Our Relationships.
In his book, It Didn’t Start With You, Mark Wolynn explores the fascinating world of inherited trauma, a field that is gaining traction in both psychology and genetics. One of the key biological mechanisms he discusses is the role of noncoding DNA—previously dismissed as "junk DNA"—in regulating how our genes express or suppress themselves in response to environmental stressors. As research in epigenetics has shown, these regulatory mechanisms do not just shape an individual's physiology but can also influence deeply ingrained behavioral patterns, including how we relate to others in romantic relationships.
Fixed vs. Adaptative DNA: The Role of Noncoding DNA in Gene Expression
For decades, scientists focused primarily on the small fraction (roughly 2%) of DNA that codes for proteins, assuming that the remaining 98% served little purpose. However, newer research has revealed that noncoding DNA plays a crucial role in gene regulation, acting as switches that turn genes on or off in response to environmental factors.
This means that our genetic blueprint is not a fixed script but an adaptable system that reacts to lived experiences—both our own and those of our ancestors.
When a parent experiences a significant stressor—such as war, famine, loss, or prolonged emotional distress—these experiences can leave an imprint on their noncoding DNA. This, in turn, alters gene expression in ways that are passed down to future generations. These changes do not modify the DNA sequence itself but rather influence how genes function. For example, the children of Holocaust survivors have been found to have altered stress hormone levels, despite never having lived through the trauma themselves. This suggests that inherited epigenetic modifications shape how the body and brain respond to stress, often predisposing individuals to heightened anxiety, depression, or hypervigilance.
How Inherited Trauma Affects Interpersonal Adaptations
These genetic shifts do not just affect biological responses but also behavioral and emotional patterns, particularly in interpersonal relationships. If a parent lived through abandonment, betrayal, or overwhelming loss, their noncoding DNA may adapt by altering gene expression in a way that enhances hyper-awareness of threats or emotional withdrawal as a protective mechanism. These adaptations, while useful in an immediate survival context, can create deep-seated relational patterns that influence how their children perceive and engage with intimacy.
Children who inherit these genetic expressions may develop heightened sensitivity to rejection, a subconscious fear of abandonment, or an inability to fully trust romantic partners. Even if they have never personally experienced trauma, their nervous systems may be wired to anticipate it, causing them to develop attachment styles rooted in inherited survival strategies. Some may become anxiously attached—constantly seeking reassurance and fearing loss—while others may develop avoidant tendencies, keeping emotional distance to prevent the pain of potential rejection.
Impact on Romantic Relationships
Since romantic relationships often bring subconscious wounds to the surface, individuals with inherited trauma may struggle with patterns they don’t fully understand. They might find themselves repeatedly drawn to emotionally unavailable partners or experiencing intense cycles of connection and withdrawal. These patterns are not random but are deeply influenced by the way noncoding DNA has shaped their inherited stress responses. Ultimately, because of these inherited adaptations, we are prone to seeking certain interpersonal patterns that are familiar, and thus we believe are safe.
However, understanding the role of noncoding DNA and epigenetics in inherited trauma can offer a path to healing. As Wolynn emphasizes, recognizing these patterns allows individuals to begin the process of conscious reprogramming. Through mindfulness, therapy, and intentional relationship-building, people can shift inherited stress responses, effectively turning off old genetic switches that no longer serve them.
Breaking the Cycle
The most empowering takeaway from this research is that inherited trauma does not have to define us. While noncoding DNA may carry the imprints of past pain, gene expression remains malleable. Engaging in deep emotional work—such as therapy, meditation, or somatic healing—can gradually rewire stress responses and shift relational patterns. By doing this work, individuals can not only heal themselves but also prevent these patterns from being passed on to future generations.
In essence, understanding noncoding DNA and its role in inherited trauma provides a scientific foundation for what many have long intuited—that our emotional wounds are often not entirely our own. Yet, through awareness and healing, we have the power to rewrite the story that has been passed down to us, paving the way for healthier relationships and deeper connections in our lives.
